Episode 143: Communication Is Your Greatest Leadership Superpower with Carol Dahlke

What if one of the biggest challenges in dentistry isn't clinical at all?

In this episode of Beyond the Prophy®, Jasmin Haley sits down with leadership coach, educator, and CEO of Optimum Leadership Academy, Carol Dahlke, to explore why communication is the skill that shapes every successful dental team.

Drawing from more than four decades in dentistry, Carol shares why leadership isn't something people simply grow into, it must be intentionally developed. Together, they discuss how self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and curiosity can transform workplace culture, strengthen relationships, and reduce burnout.

The conversation also takes a deeply personal turn as Carol reflects on the profound leadership lessons she's learned from her daughter, Krista, whose life has taught her patience, resilience, respect, and the importance of preserving another person's dignity.

Connect with Carol:

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Optimum Leadership Academy

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Hey, hey, hey, welcome to another episode of Beyond the Profi. I am very excited to be with Carol Dahlke. She is a leadership coach, consultant, and CEO of Optimum Leadership Academy with more than 40 years in dentistry, y'all. She brings a rare blend of clinical experience, academic leadership, and a real world practice management. Carol is an ICF certified coach. That's what I'm talking about. Get them credentials to specialize in communication and leadership development for healthcare teams. She serves as a faculty at the University of Minnesota School of Dentistry and is a nationally recognized leader in organized dentistry. And since 2000, she has coordinated the Special Olympic Special Smiles, one of the first in the country to be offered. Carol is passionate about helping leaders build confident, connected, and high-performing teams. And we here at Beyond the Prophy are very excited that she is spending time with us, which is the most valuable commodity we all have to share her area of expertise. Welcome to the show. Thanks, Jasmine.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Yes, yes, yes, me too. I am just I'm I can't wait to learn from you, honestly. Um, just to know some of the work that you do, how important it is. There's there are things that I've learned along my own journey. Um, and it came, I would say these lessons came right on time when it needed to be on time, but I do know that there are a lot of teams and people and leaders that are in the dentistry that are kind of floundering. So I want to talk about why communication is important. Like what made what made you delve into learning about that? And what do you think is critical for our listeners to think about communication?

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Yeah, um, I think of communication as being the superpower in dentistry. I mean, that's kind of my tagline now when I talk to people. Um, because uh some of the experiences that I've had, I've been in practice management for well, since 2010, and um spending a lot of time in dental offices and then having my own business and doing some short stints in corporate dentistry. But I went back to clinical last year for six weeks and had an experience that I never wanted to have again with with a doctor who really struggled with leadership. And so I really started my journey more in depth with leadership. I think about all the things that I've learned in leadership, and I've probably learned those from my youngest daughter who has Down syndrome, and you get to learn about people at their core when they can't, when they don't have the resources that typical people do to deal with some of the situations that we have to. So I've taken some of that and taking that leadership, but then after having this experience with this doctor, I thought leadership is something, and because I teach the first-year dental students at the University of Minnesota, I know what their curriculum is like, and I know they get leadership, but they can't apply it. And so what I thought about this doctor who has elevated himself to a leader, but has never had the training, we we need more training in dentistry. And the hard part about offering this is that they don't even know they need it. And and I firmly believe when it comes to communication and leadership, those things will change cultures, and it it takes care of a lot of the burnout that we talk about in dentistry, communication, like all of those things are impacted through communication.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Do you find that do you find that the faculty don't realize it its importance? Because, like, I think about myself as a faculty member, and I have seen how important leadership development has been on my own journey. So, as a director of a program, I when I create team meetings, there's always some sort of leadership development in that, the personal development. And then I also incorporate it in the way in which I teach. So there's ways for us to cover the objectives, but also there's ways for us to also put that in in some way, shape, shape, or form. So I feel like I don't think most faculty are even thinking about the value of that. Because even though CODA may not direct us to do that, we can find ways to implement it.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Absolutely. And congratulations for incorporating that because it might happen at the dental hygiene level. And I teach dental students, and I can tell you the schools that I've talked to, they don't incorporate enough of it. And wow, granted, granted, leadership is something that you're not going to flip a switch with, but it's incremental. And what I see with my coaching clients, the differences, and sometimes they can't even see it. But I have one client in particular who is a period honest, and I had worked with him all of last year, and he's continuing on, which his hygienist said, I'm really afraid that he wouldn't, and therefore he would go back to the person that he was. And so she could see the changes in him, even though he said, I don't see it. But then he started recognizing the things that he needed to look at because a lot of the times we're not looking for change, we're looking for self-awareness. And so when they don't see the change, it's you're not being self-aware because the changes are there, and so helping people understand that. Like I took a course through Cornell and called the Psychology of Leadership, and it was fascinating when they talked about microexpressions and managing emotions, and the managing emotions is one of the pieces that I bring to my clients, and it seems to be one of the biggest game changers for them. It's just phenomenal how the changes that happen, not only in their practice, but in their personal lives, and that's what I want to do is help dentists have a better sense of being in their personal lives because they can filter that over into everything else they do.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Absolutely, absolutely. So when you reach these individuals, how do you tap them in to let them know that? Because a lot of folks are walking with uh blinders on. We've got so much things we got to focus in on, you know. That's the last thing we're thinking about. We don't want to deal with ourselves. We, if it's a little too quiet, you're like, ah, I gotta find something to do.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

A lot of the doctors that reach out to me are what I call my next level doctors, they want to go to that next level. And typically we start out with a disk assessment so they get to know who they are. Yep. I I will tell them that it is a non-negotiable. You have to learn about who you are yourself, yeah. And then and then I can start coaching them on some of the things that I've learned that I didn't even know existed, but it has been such a game changer. The other piece that I'm working on is getting a certification in the six working geniuses. And and so being able to help people understand when they're working in their geniuses, when they're not when they're working in a competency, and sometimes the behaviors that people have, it's they're taking a competency and they're going beyond that, and then they get frustrated, they become out of balance, and they don't understand that. And so working with teams and helping them understand where is your competency, where's your genius, where should you be working? So all of those things factor into changing cultures and dental practices.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

That's so good. And I've I've believe that a lot of the issues that we have could be solved if we do the internal work first. And we just haven't done that. We just haven't done it. So I would love for you to let the listeners know because I'm geeking out. Um let the listeners know what a disk assessment is, and then I'll share with you what my communication style is, and then you tell me if you're surprised.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Well, and I I use the Maxwell Leadership because I'm a Maxwell Leadership Certified Team member. So, and if and if you know who John Maxwell is, you know who he is. He's written over 100 books on leadership, right? And so if you don't know who he is, check out. I mean, go check him out. He's got some phenomenal things. But the disc, um, the disc leadership, uh, the assessment that I do and debrief on is a 35-page report. And it gives you, you know, we have three graphs. We look at where you are when you're in public and how you think people should think that you're going to um how you need to behave. Then we look at when you're under stress and pressure, and then how you see yourself. And so the disk is, you know, the D is for dominant, the I is for inspiration, S is for steady, and the C is for compliance. So we're looking at basically assertive, non-assertive, people-oriented or task-oriented. And we're all a combination of all of them, but we some of them stand out more than others. And being able to understand what drives you, how you're wired, is how we call it at Maxwell leadership. It's like, how are you wired? And when you can understand how somebody is wired and truly be able to communicate with them in a different way. So, you know, I've got friends that will just go off. And I had my uh client a couple weeks ago, and he was so upset that this patient would not accept his treatment. And I finally looked at him and I said, Doctor, what bothers you so much about that?

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

And like he stopped at his tracks because he'd been going on for like it felt like hours was minutes, but you know, he was so stuck on this. And so he said, I think it's because I feel like I've been taking advantage of. And that he he's a high D. So of course, that was his greatest fear. And when he was able to name it, he was able to deal with it. Yeah, but he hadn't thought about it, and it was so critical for him to understand like, oh my gosh, this feeds into everything we just talked about.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

100%, yes, being self-aware.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

So, yeah, it's just to me, it's so fascinating. And when the light bulb goes off, it really then you start going, okay, now I know what to do with this, and the next time. And and we talked about what the next time looks like. Like, why why do you want to continue staying where you're at with this level of frustration when you don't need to stay there? So he's like, I got it, I got it.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

Yes, I love it, and I love when that light bulb hits, okay? Yes, yes. So um, I'm a DC. Yep, no surprise there, and it's funny decisions quickly, a hundred percent, very quick, very quick, but I also require compliance, like I need that, I need that, I'm very detail oriented. Now, what's interesting though is how I've learned to combat my D personality because I am very task-oriented and will forget in stressful situations to check in. Hey, how are you? Instead of rattling off what the next task is, right? As soon as I see you. Carol, we got to do the right. So I actually have a task in my head to say, let me ask Carol about her and her daughter. Let me, you know, how was your weekend? You doing good? You doing good today, and then get to my task that I need to be done. So that was a big lesson for me. Huge lesson for me. And how did that change your relationships? It's been wonderful. I mean, it's allowed me to be able to lead more effectively by thinking about it as a task because it would overwhelm me and sometimes I would forget. And then I'm like, oh, the the relationship part is still important. Now, what's interesting about my personality is I love the 101 time. I do love, I love going deep. I love that. But when I'm working, it's like I gotta get this work done. I can't, you know, I can't waste any time because I gotta by this time I gotta leave, pick up my daughter. And then we've got, you know, X, Y, and Z activities. So I've I'm very laser focused with that. Um, so I would say it's and it's made me more by asking those type of questions, it's allowed me to know when it's a good time or not a good time to bring some things to attention of my team. I know, oh, you know what? Based on what she said, it's not a good time for me to discuss this. Let me table it and we'll do it at another time because it isn't really urgent right now. She's dealing with so it allows me to really keep in mind and dignify and keep the humanity in a team by realizing the way I communicate, but also checking in more on that relationship piece. So I learned that years ago, my friends. This is not something overnight because I wouldn't have been able to survive the last six months. But um, with the new changes that I've been in recently, but that has been critical for me. And I learned that with an online team that oftentimes we didn't see each other, so all we had was what we were sharing, you know, with just hearing. You have to learn how to communicate effectively when you don't see your team, and they're hundreds of miles away.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

And and that's the best way to show people that you actually care, and that's what people want as humans. And we live in a world, and I'm in Minneapolis, so it's been a real struggle the past few weeks with all the things that are happening when people don't care about each other. And so when you think about how how do you care about each other and how do you show that? And you figured out how to take a task or to bring in that people piece with a task, because that's what we have to do when that's not our first, if we're not wired that way, it's not our first direction to go in. And I'm the same way. I write the email and then I do what I call yellowing it up. I'm gonna write, hey, how's it going, Jasmine? Because I'm a CSD, so it's like task-oriented. I've got the people piece in there, but it's at that lower end, so you know there's no I in me, and which is very, you know, look at me, world here I am, but um it's it's fascinating. It's human behavior is fascinating.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

It is, it is, and if you're a leader or you're running a team, I feel like every person's a leader to some extent in the office, and when you approach that or have that thinking, everyone will show up in their role or find gaps to help compensate for any team that may be lagging or anything like that, right? For whenever there may be different stressors, right? Or call and call to mind what everyone's role is because I do believe in, I don't know if you've ever heard of Jocko. I love Jocko, he's this military guy, he's super masculine, but he talks about being having ownership. Excellent, taking ownership a hundred percent. So there was a recent um incident that happened. I was working on a project and there was some miscommunication in the project. On both ends of that project, people felt frustrated. But what's interesting is that both ends of the project both took accountability for their contribution to the miscommunication. And so it eased the conversation that we were having. We were able to regroup and say, okay, I'm gonna take accountability for this. The other end of the project said, I'm gonna take accountability for that. Let's come together. Are we on the same page? Yes, no. And now the project can proceed forward. But it's that 100% that like ownership. Um, oh my gosh, I forgot the name of the book. I'm gonna mention it here before we end. But there was this, it just changed everything for me. Now he talks about ownership and leadership and with a military background. Now, of course, you know that if you don't take 100% ownership, you can lose your team by way of death, right? So we're not in life and death situations, although it could be depending on the services that you're providing with your team, but that's how that's how serious we need to take it and immediately call to mind when it's necessary if someone is going in a different path.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Yes, and it's interesting that you talk about a team because I was listening in on a another um group and they were talking, he was talking about a group versus a team. And do you show up and work as a group, or are you truly working as a team? And I think think about that. I mean, when you think about dentistry as a hygienist, I've got my column, I'm gonna do that column. I'm not gonna look horizontally, I'm not gonna, I'm just gonna do my thing. That's a group, right? Imagine if you're looking horizontally and you're working as a team and you're all trying to figure out how to make sure the patient has the best experience, you have the best experience, your doctor has the best experience, you go home and super excited about coming back the next day. That's what a team does. So looking at people, are you in a group or do you work as a team?

SPEAKER_00 20:07

That's so good. That's so good. Because it just, you know, I returned back to clinical dentistry in 2024. Yes. And when I came in, when I saw that there were gaps, I immediately worked along with the dental assistants. Like, hey, how can I help? Like, how can we make this more efficient as we work together? And then we talked about it as a team. But it does take a shift though. When you walk into that operatory, are you just in that group, right? I don't really care. Or am I really thinking about the entire efficiency of the entire operation so that everyone feels like, oh, this is a great place to work. Yes, there's gonna be some hard days, but I'm not alone on an island by myself.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Yes, I think it goes back to that ownership too.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

When you take ownership for what you do and the role you play, because when I think about leadership, leadership is influence. And so 100% agree with you when you talk about everybody's a leader. We all are. It doesn't matter what role you play, but can you play it better today than you did yesterday? Does that matter to you?

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Does that matter?

SPEAKER_00 21:26

Yeah. The book is called Extreme Ownership, my friends. Extreme Ownership. Um, there is a video that he has. I want you to look up Jocko and go to YouTube and look up good. Okay. Write me an email at beyond theprofi at gmail.com and just type good. I'm gonna know what you're talking about because I have shown this to my students, I have shown this to our team meetings when things go wrong, when things don't go our way. Good. That's that's supposed to be our response. Good. But you need to hear why he says that. Okay. I'm checking it out. Yes, yes, do that because it just it really helps me, help me to kind of reframe, especially when you're working in a very challenging season of leadership because those will they those will show up. You have no control over it. Um, how do you approach those those challenges? And some of us, you know, I've had to do a lot of internal work to not blame myself, try to control everything, you know. So I love the fact that you share that that quote that you just stated about um how can you do it better the next day? Which means that that gives you grace for growth.

unknown 22:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

And we're all works in progress.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Yes, you have to want it. And I love the fact that you talk about reframing because I will spend a good amount of time with my doctors on reframing. And I actually did this with the um I'm teaching the past students at the School of Dentistry. They just started another class, the foreign-trained dentists who want to become US doctors. And many I gave them a worksheet that had let's reframe these phrases. And many of them couldn't. They didn't know how. So you have to rewire your, you know, your thoughts. How do I spin this to be positive? And when I do that, I know that that person's going to have a different experience.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Because you have to take that five seconds and think about how does this impact that other person? When I was becoming a certified coach, um, my coach, coach and trainer, she said two words to me that I will never forget. And it was preserve dignity. And when you think about that, is it's I'm preserving my dignity along with I'm preserving yours when we're having this conversation, right? And so when you remember those two words, it impacts how you show up in that conversation and what you're going to say and how you're going to say it. And do you need to reframe things? Do I need to be curious as to why maybe you're having a bad day, or it appears that something is off, you're off balance, out of out of balance. So I need to be curious, and how can I ask that without you going into the defense, right? So preserving dignity is has always been a huge thing for me. Once I learned that, I'm thinking, this is it's really brilliant.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

Oh, it's so good. It's so good. And there's another thing that you mentioned, which I talk about often. And for me specifically, if you have a personality, and I think most northerners from the East Coast are like this. If you got a personality, go to zero to 100 very quick from disrespect or any feeling where you feel like you're being slighted. You mentioned that that um doctor who felt like I didn't want anyone taking advantage, all of those things. You have to approach life with curiosity. Oh my goodness. Because when you approach it with curiosity, you will pause, you will ask questions first before jumping to conclusions. And I love that you share that. It reminds me of Brene Brown's work. She talks about courageous leadership, and she talks about that vulnerable piece and how fear kind of shows up, which makes us start those stories where we're like right away, you know, it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa is me. This person or that person has done this and that. It tends it spirals out of control. But when you pause and when you ask questions, I love that. It reminds me of a question that I often ask, especially when I know, because some people do have microaggressions and they can be negative and they can be trying you sometimes. They will. I often will ask them, what is your attention by what you're asking? Like, what is it? What is your intention with that statement? What did you what do you mean by that? That's and let them explain it. Sometimes they can't. Exactly. And then I'm in my head, I'm like, gotcha. Then you know what their intention was, okay? Then you really know. But anywho, um, I love that. I you know, I want to talk a little bit before we conclude. You have mentioned at the outset of the conversation that you learned lessons from your daughter. And one of the things that I've noticed over the years from connecting with you is the beautiful relationship that you have with her. And you shared that you were the one of the coordinators that helped with the special Olympic Special Smiles, one of the first in the country. You mentioned that your daughter has Down syndrome. I would love for you to kind of share the lessons that you learned from her that have helped you professionally.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

There's so many of them. Thank you for asking about her. Um, Krista is uh she's taught me about resilience, uh, about how never to give up. Uh, and she's taught me so much about patience and being able to determine how to speak to someone so they don't become upset. So it is being that curious person, and I have to think, I she can't always tell me what she's feeling or thinking. So I have to kind of discern that. And so I have to be more curious, and I learned more about um human behavior because watching the interactions that she has with some of her Special Olympic teammates and other people who have intellectual differences, people will call them disabilities. I call it a difference because I truly don't believe about believe in disabilities. Um, but she the the patience and the perseverance and unconditional love for the most part. There's a couple of times when she but but she she's really taught me how to be a good friend, and I think above all, that is like a key. And people have said that we've got this this friendship, and it's funny how you're in it, you don't see it. Yeah, so I've I've taken that from others, but we just have so much fun together because there's a lot of respect. And think about it, when you can respect somebody, it feels a lot different than when you don't. And I think I think that that's the biggest thing is that um I truly respect who she is as a person, even though there's things she can't do, she can't tie her shoes, you know, but there's other things she can do. She's my great memory partner when it's somebody's birthday, she'll always tell me year after year, she knows it is fantastic. So there's this give and take, but there's a lot of um when I think about how I teach dental students, and sometimes it is taking that one who really doesn't get it and being able to break things down, you know, other faculty will just go in and do the same thing. Like if we repeat this enough times, you're gonna get it. And I will look at it and go, okay, so what am I missing? And I'm asking myself, what am I missing? Because I'm missing something here, and it's not about them, it's about me. I didn't figure it out yet. So those are the things that she's taught me. And there's a whole list. I think at some point in time I should write a book about that, but right now I'm still just enjoying being with her and and being living in that moment, I guess, with her, and not not reflecting a lot yet.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Yeah, I love that. I love that so much. You are exceptional. I love that. Um, I would love for you to kind of share any last remarks that you want to share with the listeners before you share your contact information. Is there any other piece of word of advice that you would love for them to know as they're thinking about their own career and journey?

SPEAKER_01 30:31

I think if you don't find joy in what you're doing, that you need to find the answer to whatever that joy is, and to to continue to. I mean, for the longest time, I I mean, I I was in clinical for a long time. And actually, Jasmine, I think I just hung up my loops for the last time, like three weeks ago. Wow, the the musculoskeletal things are just getting to be too much. And I thought I'm really ready to take all of this stuff on full time and want to get the message out that communication is at superpower in dentistry. Yeah. And so if people are frustrated to be able to reflect and go deeper into themselves, they can connect with a coach because we can definitely help them understand who they are. And starting with a disk assessment, it has really changed a lot of people's lives. And that's the power of understanding who you are. And that's what I would like to see for everyone out there where they feel that joy every day.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

I love that. Now, where can the listeners connect with you?

SPEAKER_01 31:45

So I'm on LinkedIn, or they can send me an email at Carol at optimum leadershipacademy.com. I'd love to talk to anyone and feel free to DM me. Um I'm on Facebook too. So um, I think Instagram, but I don't go there much. But I'm working on marketing. I'm hiring a student to help me with marketing. So just find me and we will have a conversation. I love to help people.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

I love that. Well, thank you so much, Carol. This has been a lovely conversation. Um, lots of synergy here, and I know that there's going to be a lot of value that the listeners will be able to get from our conversation today. Thank you for coming.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

Thank you so much for having me, Jasmine. It's been great.